How We Often Forget the Grace to Change...
I read a quote about blame recently that really got me thinking...
“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.”(by Dr. Robert Anthony)
I have found this to be true in my life. Whenever I focus on what others have done, real or imagined, I limit my potential to grow through the negative circumstance. If I don’t grow from it, the circumstance is completely wasted. Whenever I begin to take my eyes off what they did to me and focus on my response, or what God is after in me, then I always find grace to change.
Here is an insight from life-coach Wayne Dyer:
“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find in another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making the other feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.”
(I do not necessarily endorse or recommend either author, but found these quotes useful.)
The problem with blaming others for our condition is that we don’t grow or change.
Once we take our eyes off of what others have done, we can begin to see what we need to do to move forward. We will see the way out. We become open to creative solutions that help us overcome. We begin to gain perspective on what God is doing in our lives. We may even see where we contributed to the mess in the first place. Wouldn’t that be interesting?
If you have been focused on what others have done to you in the past, release them. Simply forgive them. Let it go. You may have to do this more than once, especially if it has been a long-standing offense or if we need to break the habit of laying blame. Spend much time at the Cross, both giving and receiving His love and forgiveness. Your eyes will begin to open and you will see things differently.
On another note, I have a concern about the teaching that encourages us to go back into our past to find out what is wrong with us today. What do we do once we find out that our parents were not perfect and that they had issues that affected us? Then what? You can never become whole by finding out that they were not whole. Then you find out they had issues because their parents had issues. You follow this far enough and it will take you right back to the Garden where Adam is pointing his thumb at Eve, and Eve is pointing her thumb at the devil.
It also shows the futility of some warfare teaching that causes us to focus on what the devil has done. Surely he is ultimately to blame, but will knowing this add an ounce of grace to our lives? It only serves to keep our focus off what we need to do in order to grow and move forward. I have noticed how those who are totally focused on what the devil is doing tend to totally misjudge how they see themselves and how much they have contributed to their own cobbled up lives.
We cannot blame others for our personal unhappiness. That is a choice only we make.
Taken from my book "Stopping the Mouths of Lions" published in 2016 by Wordsmith Publishing, Penn Yan